Danny Yee >> Internet Censorship in Australia >> Controversial Material
February 9th 2000: good news, the ABA has sent me a letter saying that this page - or, rather, a copy on an Australian server - is not prohibited content, ie they don't think it would be R-, X-, or RC-rated. (I found out later that the document was in fact classified MA by the Office of Film and Literature Classification.)

I think that makes this the first "verified as legal" web page under Australia's new net censorship legislation. Read more about the legislation and its operation.

See also my review of Eat Me

Eat Me by Linda Jaivin - Chapter 1

Copyright © Text Publishing, 1995.
Reprinted with permission.

Buy Eat Me from Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk

She ran her fingers over the fresh figs. Surprising little sacs they were. Funny, dark and wrinkled, yet so exquisite on the tongue. Mother Nature had surely been thinking of Father Nature when she invented figs.

Ava looked up, tossing back her long black hair and glancing around with ice-blue eyes. It seemed she had the whole supermarket to herself. Sarah, the one cashier on late-night duty, had just checked out the only other customer and was absorbed once more in her Mills and Boon. All that could be heard was the hum of the refrigerator cabinets and the uninvasive beat of the muzak. The artificial chill of the heavy-duty airconditioning took the edge off what might otherwise have been an almost unbearably lusty cornucopia of smells, from the sweet ripeness of the bananas to the citron pungency of the lemons and limes. Everything was cold in supermarkets: the shiny mop-polished floors, the gelid steel of the shelves, the polar fluorescence of the lighting.

Ava picked up a fig from the pile and sniffed it. She stuck out her tongue and licked it. If milk is for pussies, why not figs? Slowly, she hiked her short black skirt up above the lace tops of her stockings. She wore no underwear. She never wore underwear. What was the point? She touched herself, and found that she was warm and wet. With her other hand, she brought the fig down between her legs. She teased the mouth of her cunt with it, gently at first and then with vigour. She could feel the skin of the fig burst. Some of the sticky seed spilt out, adhering to the lips of her cunt and the secret places on the inside of her thighs. She put the fig back in her mouth. Salty sweet. She sucked it dry.

Ava dropped the spent fruit back onto the shelf, and advanced upon the strawberries. Large, red and firm, they knew exactly where they belonged. High inside her. She took a few tight steps, placing one stilettoed foot in front of the other, concentrating on the sensation the strawberries created as they slipped and crushed against each other. She thought she could distinguish each ticklish green stem. Then she stopped, leaned back against the shelves, closed her eyes and pulped.

Adam, the store detective, swallowed hard. He tried to get a better view of Ava from behind the piled bags of crisps where he'd concealed himself. The lump in his throat travelled down his thick neck and into the top of his tightly buttoned shirt. He had been standing there, behind the snack foods, when she strode into the fruit and veg section. He'd seen everything. He knew he ought to have apprehended her when she performed that act with the fig, but he found himself paralysed with - what? A shudder went through him now. He hitched up his khaki trousers and ran an awkward hand over his crewcut. His movements were clumsy. A shiny packet of low-cholesterol, all-natural blue corn chips crunched to the floor with a clamour that made his heart skip a beat.

If Ava noticed, she didn't let on. Her expression hadn't changed. It was rapturous. She hitched her skirt higher, up above her suspender belt. Thrusting two fingers deep into her own, soft fruit, she plumped and prodded, soaking them in juices fresh and tangy. She pulled them out slowly, and placed them in her mouth, sucking on them between pursed lips. A dollop of strawberry-coloured cream adhered to her chin. She fished in her purse for her pocket mirror. Bending down, with her arse pointed in Adam's direction, she held the mirror between her legs and, parting her labia with her fingers, studied herself with intense concentration.

Grapes. This was the thought that struck Ava now.

She selected carefully. Firm fruit in a tight bunch. Large round purple ones. She turned around so that she was facing, once again, in Adam's direction, and leaned back on the shelf. Opening her legs wide, tracing little noughts on her clitoris with one hand, she pushed the grapes up herself with the other, a little at a time, pulling back a bit before each new thrust. The stems scratched and tickled, and she liked that.

Without warning, Ava lifted her head to look straight into the eyes of the man who'd been spying on her all this time. A smile played on her blood-red lips. Of course she knew he was there. Smirking, she extracted a single, dripping grape and offered it to him. Adam stood frozen as a TV dinner. She shrugged. Puckering her lips, she ingested the grape with a great slurping sound and put the rest of the bunch back on the shelf. Never once releasing his gaze from hers, she felt around behind her until she located a ripe kiwifruit. She held it up in front of her face, still looking hard into his eyes, and dug her fingernails into the gooseberry flesh, rupturing the skin. Green liquid ran down her fingers. Her eyes bored into his. She inserted the ragged fruit into the still-hungry maw between her legs, now running with juices of every description.

Adam took a single, tremulous step in her direction. She pretended not to notice. Calmly, she extracted the kiwifruit and proceeded to eat half. Ava held out the other half to the detective and arched an eyebrow. He was striding towards her now. Taking the fruit. Eating with rapture. Dropping to his knees in front of her.

She widened her stance. In one swift movement, she reached out and, grabbing him by the back of his head, brought his mouth up to her cunt. He gasped.

'Eat me,' she commanded.

'No, I -' he mumbled, panic in his voice.

'Eat me, you filthy spud,' she repeated, threateningly this time.

'I -'

Ava fumbled in her bag with her free hand until she found her whip. The compact one she always kept in her purse. She cracked it against the floor next to Adam.

He shook his head, but his thick short hair only excited her as it brushed back and forth against her sensitive and swollen sex. The stubble on his chin grated engagingly on her inner thighs.

'Eat me, you coffee stain. You slice of mouldy cheese. You slab of five-day-old horsemeat,' she taunted, teasing the back of his neck with the handle of the whip.

'No!' he protested. 'No, I won't! And you can't make me! I'm a good boy!'

'Naughty boy,' Ava contradicted. 'Naughty as extra-large chips with vinegar and salt. Naughty as Heavenly Chocolate Cake.' She yanked him closer.

'Not true!' he gasped, clutching onto her legs with both hands. 'I'm as unsullied as Sara Lee, as pure as buckwheat pasta. I won't - ouch! - participate in your disgusting little game.' She tugged his ear, hard. He whimpered and stopped his struggle.

'All right,' he whispered inside her. 'All right then. I will eat you. I will. You will be my patè, my calamari, my pumpkin risotto, my roast and three veg.' He ate now, ate like a man who was starving. He devoured her with his tongue, his lips, his teeth and his hands. He ate every last trace of fig and strawberry and grape and kiwi, transformed by her love blender into a warm and salty tropical fruit yoghurt.

Ava dropped the whip. Her hand closed on a bunch of bananas as she slid down to the floor. Adam was kneeling between her legs now, still feeding at her goluptious trough. He reached out, grabbed her hands and pinned them to the floor with his own, forcing her to release the bananas. She raised her head and glared at him. Struggled, but to no avail. He was smirking now. At his own, torturously slow pace, he returned his attention to her cunt. Moaning, she came in his mouth, kicking hard with one foot and sending a high-heeled shoe skimming down the aisle in the direction of the breakfast cereals. Still lapping, he released her hands, which lay limp by her side. He fumbled for the bananas and peeled one. She drew in her breath as he pushed it inside her. He scrambled to his feet, and watched out of the corner of his eye as, with well-timed thrusts, she brought herself to orgasm again. She didn't stop until the banana disintegrated into pap.

'You disgusting bitch,' Adam spat, walking towards the vegetables. He returned with a Lebanese cucumber. She'd stood up and picked up her whip again.

'What did you say?' Her tone was imperious, if a little shaky. 'You little piece of rat-trap salami,' she spat huskily.

'You disgusting bitch,' he repeated, with slightly less conviction, his eyes on her whip hand. 'I despise you more than tinned minestrone, more than, than - more than angel cake mix, more than sliced cheese.'

'Take off your trousers, Chiko-face,' she said, fondling the leather.

'No way, cod-feet.'

'Take off your trousers, I said, full-fat.'

'Bitch. Cunt. Soupbones.'

Ava snapped the whip with a sudden movement. The end licked Adam's thigh. His nostrils flared. He pulled down his trousers, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear either. He had a massive erection. Ava gently flicked at it with the whip. She sneered. 'So curd-cheeks. You've been enjoying this all along.'

Adam refused to meet her gaze.

'Bend down.'


'Don't make me angry.'

He scowled as he bent down, arse to her, balancing with his hands against the shelf with the fruit.

'Give me that cucumber.'

Turning his head, he watched as Ava lubricated it in her vagina. Slowly, she insinuated it up his arse. He groaned and twisted with pain and pleasure. Suddenly, there was a silence. Someone had turned off the muzak. Ava and Adam froze, as with a slight electronic crackle and a clearing of throat, Sarah's voice came over the p. a. system. 'Attention, shoppers. The store is about to close. Please make your final selections and pay for them at the counter. Thank you for your co-operation. Please shop with us again.' Ava removed the cucumber from Adam's anus and tossed it back over into the vegetable section. It landed right next to all the other cucumbers. 'Good toss, cupcake.'

'Thanks.' They laughed, a little harshly, and quickly straightened their clothing. Ava retrieved her shoe, folded up her whip and put it back in her purse. 'I'd better buy something,' she whispered, thinking randomly of coconut milk and small packets of tarragon.

'See you next week, honey pot?' asked Adam. 'Usual time, usual place?'

'You bet, sweet pea.'

'Bye for now.'

'Bye.' Adam watched as Ava sauntered down the aisle to the cashier. Sarah looked up at her, wondering how one of Ava's stockings had fallen to her ankle. Hadn't she noticed?

'Good book?' Ava asked Sarah as she handed over her purchases.

'Yes, very,' sighed Sarah, her eyes on Ava's bare thigh. 'I love romances. Do you?'

'Of course,' Ava answered, winking. 'Have them all the time.'

You might like to read my review of Eat Me or buy it from Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk.
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