Hello - welcome to the Psychiatric hotline.
- If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which button to press
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No-one will answer.