Danny Yee >> Humour


5 Questions, 60 Minutes.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the
Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all
problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D.
No praying during the exam.
1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves
   each an equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's
   rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?
2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with
   sheep S. a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following
   the act if the sheep was not willing? b. (12 pts.) What if the
   sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to
   mind either?
3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit
   be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec.,
   traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis.
   Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a
   perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At
   what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)
4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved
   human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the
   closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will
   remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?
5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin
   level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork,
   and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about,
   well, pretty much everything. a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level
   now? b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He
   ain't so damn smug now, is he?
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine
   undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our
   Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.

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